I Don’t Put Out

The female dating game is pretty straight forward.  All we have to do is 1) make ourselves as attractive as possible, 2) be approachable and 3) filter out the men that are only interested in sex.

Obviously number one is very unproblematic – I’m not being flippant, it’s just that if you’ve been following my blog, you’ll have the basic understanding that single men and women are sluts.  All a woman needs to do to look attractive to a man-slut (single, straight man) is show a bit of skin and fluff up her hair a bit – I’m assuming I don’t need to mention the body control tights etc…?  Yeah good, thought so.

Number two – also easy.  I love meeting new people, it is my personality to be social and friendly, but I really ought to learn not to be so nice to the ugly ones – they are very hard to get rid of.  Ugly men are the ones that play the ‘numbers game’ and if you engage in friendly conversation with them, they think they’ve finally made a catch.  The ‘numbers game man’ can’t get the subtle hint to fuck off.  If he did so, he would have to continue with the numbers game – which is an unbearable thought.  So instead of graciously continuing on his plight, he’ll get really clingy and annoying.

Number three is the one I purposely and strategically endeavour to accomplish.  “Ooooh, this sounds like a little gemstone of a tip”, I hear you squeal with scandalous delight.  My strategy is pretty uncomplicated really.  I call it ‘survive for five’ which simply entails waiting for five dates before putting out.  Although, ‘simply’ is probably the wrong word to use to be honest.  Unfortunately for me and the crevice of wonders, every guy I have liked enough to date beyond a coffee has dumped me soon after the third date.

Coincidence?  I think not.

My hairdresser thinks this rule is ludicrous – “you gotta make sure he has the goods”, he reckons.  His advice is to cop a feel on the third date so I don’t get any unpleasant surprises and become sourly disappointed for investing all that time for a flop – pun intended.

These days men don’t even buy you a drink in exchange for entering the muffin made for love.  They seem to have forgotten that there are certain rules you’re supposed to go by.  Firstly, the waiter tells the man-slut how much the bill is, the woman is supposed to offer to pay for half (he’d be insulted if she offered to pay the full bill) and the man-slut is supposed to turn down the offer if he wants to see her again.  If he doesn’t want to see her again, he should let her pay half.

These sex crazed maniacs will allow me to pay for everything they can get and then they will actually see if the crevice of wonders is open for exploration.  When they don’t appear to be ‘hitting that next level’, they dump me…the fuckers.

Never-the-less, I don’t care so much – These man-sluts are doing me a favour.  Dating is like going for job interviews, you have to be honest with them so they can look within themselves and decide if they’ll be good for you and if you’ll be good for them. When I am getting to know a man-slut in more depth, I will assess if I can make a positive impact on him and his life – I will stick around if I can.  If I think I will just be a miserable cow because I don’t like something about him, such as pissing in my wardrobe after a court session or telling me how sexy I look when I do the dishes.  I will let them go so they can find someone better suited to them.

Whether it’s a dream job or a dream man I am going for, losing to someone better suited to the role is a good thing. I know there is something better waiting for me just around the corner.  Hell, if I get dumped just three more times – I’ll meet a man that’s three times better. Wouldn’t that be gold.

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