I Want it All

I was talking to an exceptionally funny, good looking, talented and all-round awesome person – Cory, when a thought came to me…

JUST JOKING!!

My friend Cory makes me laugh, we share the exact same sense of humour.  To people on the outside of our friendship, it appears we are interested in each other. These people may have a good point.  When two people are really good friends, comfortable in each others’ company and make each other laugh, then perhaps they should enter into a relationship together.

Many years ago, in the days when we were in our mid 20’s and cutting shapes all around Wellington, Cory and I shared a mutual friend.  This mutual friend was interested in having a relationship with him. Unfortunately (for her), she was very suspicious of my close friendship with Cory – I guess I can understand why she might have been a bit threatened and why she was confused as to which one of us Cory wanted a relationship with.

On one occasion, we were all sitting around my dining room table, she looked really annoyed with Cory’s ease and comfort around me and suddenly blurted out: “which one of us do you want?!?”  Cory’s body language was very open and honest as he sincerely replied with: “Either.  Whichever one of you I can sleep with first.” Typical me thought this was hilarious but the mutual friend stormed out…oops.

I wonder what my life would be like now if I had of tested out the validity of Cory’s statement.  What would have become of me if I had of pipped the mutual friend at the post and swooped in on Cory for my own selfish benefit?  Putting aside the fact I would have been a shit friend for doing that, of course.

Going by Cory’s life now, he wanted a partner that will enable his life to remain unchanged throughout the phases of his relationship.  For example – man get married: no change for man. Man have kid: no change for man.  Man buy house: no change for man. Not only do their lives not change, but when men get married, their lives get better.

When women get married, their lives become much busier and more stressful.  She has to organise everything, pay for at least half of everything, if not more (have you seen how much food and beer men consume?).  When women have children, they’re the ones that raise, feed and stop the kids from killing themselves – all whilst working in parallel. When women buy a home, they have to organise all the decorating, do all the housework and keep on top of all the household supplies and bills.

If the relationship breaks down, the man moves out of the house begrudgingly (i.e. fucken’ woman taking everything I’ve earned). The woman has to go on the DPB to raise the children. She becomes poor because men give the minimum they legally have to to the IRD, who then in turn give the women 80 bucks (no matter how much the men give IRD).  If the women are ‘lucky’ enough to work for an employer that operates 24/7, they can pick up evening and weekend work (god forbid if the woman asks the man to work part-time so she can also work during sociable hours). In any case, the woman gets no sleep and burns out.  When this happens, the man steps in and saves the day, further improving his life (he gets a big inflated ego for being able to cope better as a solo Dad).

I realise, it’s not fair to put the blame entirely on the man…ah fuck it. This is my blog, and Cory….well this is a bitch-fest just for you sweet pea xox.

I would love to work and live in equal measures.  I would like to spend my 24 hour day like this: Sleep = 8hrs (while having fair turns at waking for the kids in the middle of the night).  Work = 8 hours.  Family and house time = 8 hours.  During the family and house time, I envision my fantastical partner to be operating on the same timetable so we can tend to the family and needs of the household in each others’ company. Oh, and we’d both have equal turns at going to the pub/pursuing our individual hobbies during the week.

This is my fairy tale.  Fuck sleeping away my life until a man comes along and ‘wakes me up’ with a slobbery, beer drenched kiss and promising the world. 

Would my life be different if I ended up with Cory? No, I would’ve given Cory the flick too!  

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