Men are Sluts

Did you know, every two weeks, one man can produce enough sperm to impregnate every woman on earth?  Given this biological fact, it’s no wonder single, straight men are driven to try to bed as many women as they possibly can.  There’s this bias among men and women alike that women are hormonal crazies that are totally preoccupied with the sound of their own biological clock. If women wear a short skirt, too much make up, try to lose weight or wear ‘slutty’ clothing, this bias seems to be further reinforced.

I think it is actually the men that are the hormonal crazies.  Men are way more driven by their hormones than women are. In fact, it’s only a handful of women that are afflicted with hormonal problems and those problems are diagnosable and treatable.  Except of course, when their partner is an asshole, (refer previous post for explanation of asshole). Unfortunately, there is currently no treatment available that can stop a woman from flipping out at an asshole.

I’ve actually experienced firsthand a single man’s oblivion to his hormonal impulses. After breaking up with and getting over the ‘significant ex’, I thought I would try out some dating sites. I googled “best dating sites in NZ” and NZ Dating came up as the most popular. At that time (before my singledom had really set in), I was a considerate and kind person, so I didn’t want to hurt anyone or give them the impression I was ready for marriage and kids right now. In order to portray a true representation of myself, I set up my profile as “looking for friendship”. I felt this was a good option to choose because I envisioned meeting nice men and possibly starting a relationship if our friendship developed in that direction.  Given the other options were blatantly: “I’m looking for sex only” or “I’m looking for a relationship” or “I’m ready to have children soon”.  I thought my choice was quite clear that I was looking for friendship.

It was good fun getting back into the ‘game’ and I could do this all from the comfort of my home. I didn’t have to make the effort of getting dressed up and going out only to wake up with a hangover and some stupid idiot texting me wanting to know if I was still keen to go tramping with him for two weeks next month. Don’t men wake up and realise they were talking shit all night?  I do.

Anyway, one night while happily sipping wine next to the fire in my pyjamas, I was reading the hundreds of messages in my inbox one by one. I liked to read the messages but I very rarely replied (you’ll understand why when you read on). The messages would cover a wide range of personality, some would just send a smiley face, some would have a pre-written message that was obviously cut and pasted into the message, and there were literally hundreds of ‘appendage’ photos attached to their messages.

Of these very very entertaining messages, I opened a message from ‘thelovedoctor’. I opened the message to find his profile picture was a photo of his erect appendage. Now, it’s important that you understand, profile pictures on NZ Dating are public and everyone can see this picture when they are conducting a search. It can even be seen by people that haven’t signed up to the site yet (you only have to sign up if you want to send and receive messages).

Thelovedoctor’s email message was really polite and down to earth, which was a huge contrast to his profile picture. He was all “hey, nice profile. I like going tramping too. I also like long walks on the beach and I have 50/50 care of my two delightful daughters.

So I’m thinking: “what the…..?” and as I’m scrolling down to the end of the message, more confusion was added to this contrast – he’s only gone and attached a photo of his face!  I ask you: who writes a message, to someone looking for friendship, with an appendage photo for their profile picture and deliberately attaches a photo of their face?  Oh and did I mention that I had set up my profile as totally anonymous? He didn’t know who he was even messaging.  What….a….fucking….tool.

Well, that’s not actually the shocking part! Although I was already fully shocked at this early stage of the message reading process, to my further shock (who knew being ‘further shocked’ after already being fully shocked was possible?), this person was a Manager and colleague at my workplace. Whenever I was in a meeting with him, or walk past him in the hallway, I would just stare at him curiously with squinted eyes. As we’d be walking past each other, I would stop and watch him walk towards me, then I’d turn my whole body as he walked past me and proceed to watch him until he’d walk out of my sight. If anyone spoke to me during our meetings, I would turn my head towards that person but my eyes would never leave Thelovedoctor’s face.  I was totally mesmerised by Thelovedoctor’s double life.

So yeah, that was pretty weird. However, I now understand that Thelovedoctor didn’t know what he was doing, he did what he did because he is a slave to his hormones. It’s a man’s job to impregnate as many women as possible for the survival of the human race and it is the woman’s job to look as attractive as possible for the survival of the human race (so men will want to impregnate them). We’re either all sluts or none of us are sluts – you choose. If we didn’t behave/dress the way we do, the human race would die out. End of.

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